Dangerous Work
by redskiez
Summary: It's very dangerous to multitask in the middle of a battle. Extremely so.


_Please remember to leave a review._

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"All I'm saying is that senpai might not be able to defeat Sasuke!"

Deidara seems peeved at his words. He tosses another round of clay spiders that Sasuke easily cuts down with the help of his Sharingan.

"You never seem to fully understand the power of my art, Tobi, yeah!" Deidara shouts as he dodges a wave of kunai that Sasuke hurls toward him.

"Oh, senpai," Tobi shakes his head woefully, crossing his arms. "Perhaps you'll need to educate me once and for all. Walk me through the steps, you know?"

Deidara sputters and Obito, when he realizes that Deidara isn't even paying attention to Sasuke for the two seconds, prevents Sasuke's next hit from landing.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Deidara asks but his voice does not sound as though he is jesting.

Tobi laughs. "No, I think that senpai would like it."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Sasuke finally questions, stabbing his sword into the earth.

"Mind your own goddamn business, brat," Deidara shouts and then a giant clay bird looms over his shoulders. It launches himself at him. While controlling it, Tobi notes that Deidara cannot move very well in case he loses focus.

Taking advantage of that, Tobi heads over to stand by Deidara's side, pretending to be completely unaware that he's in the heat of battle.

"So, senpai," he starts, leaning close to Deidara. Obito's eyes trail over his flawless skin and his hands itch to trace against it, to feel for himself how soft Deidara's skin must be. "When you lose, do you want me to cheer you on, still?"

"I am not going to lose, you numbskull, yeah," Deidara says, turning his head a fraction but then he seems extremely surprised by Tobi's closeness — he even spies a little splash of redness on the top of his cheeks. Obito finds it extremely endearing.

"Are you sure?" Tobi says. "Because Sasuke's escaped to the forest."

Deidara quickly gathers himself and turns back to the matter at hand. Where only a moment ago stood Uchiha Sasuke is now a lone log, burning at the edges from the force of Deidara's clay bombs.

"Damn," Deidara mutters and he turns his attention to the forest.

"So," Tobi continues, "when you lose, do you want me to pretend that you won?"

"I will not lose," Deidara says, raising a hand to slap at Tobi's mask but he misses completely. Obito wonders how he would react if he didn't.

He longs to feel Deidara's touch.

"And if you win—"

"When I win, hm," Deidara tries to cut him off.

"If you win," Tobi says as though Deidara has not said anything, "I will celebrate with a little homemade fireworks festival. With you."

"With me," Deidara repeats dumbly. "Okay… but I doubt it will last long, yeah."

"Really? Is that a challenge, Deidara-senpai?"

"Fireworks," Deidara says, very determined not to look at Tobi, "are not known to be very long shows, hm. I doubt your homemade fireworks show would last longer than two minutes."

"I will take it as a challenge, Deidara-senpai," Tobi says, taking another step closer to Deidara. He leans down, pretending to peer over his shoulder and watching the forest, just like him. "Because in all honesty," Tobi whispers, "I think it's Deidara-senpai who's not going to last longer than two minutes."

"What!" Deidara shouts, taking a step forward and spinning around to stare at Tobi's mask. "What is that supposed to mean, yeah?"

Tobi shrugs and then he makes a show of being shocked.

"Oh, look! He's right behind you!"

Deidara clicks his tongue and digs his hands into the clay pouches at his side. His mouths make quick work of molding the clay and he tosses the low-level bombs over his shoulder. It manages to somehow catch Sasuke off guard and the kid leaps further away, clearly trying to come up with a better plan.

"You," Deidara says, tossing a spider at Tobi and then pretends that it landing directly behind him is completely normal. "You're starting a challenge that you can't win, hm."

"That's weird," Tobi says, tapping his chin. "I thought senpai praised fleeting moments — things that didn't last long."

"Yeah?" Deidara says. "Well, I can make it last as long as I want and the result will be just as glorious, hm!"

"How so?" Tobi tilts his head, leaning down to meet Deidara at eye-level. "Explosively?"

Deidara grins.

"Explosively."

"Now," says Tobi, "that's something I've got to see for myself."

"As though you can, yeah," Deidara says and then he throws a bat at Sasuke. The creature comes to life half-way and it clings to Sasuke's arm. Despite the aggressive attempts of dislodging the creature, Sasuke is unsuccessful.

"Oh," Tobi hum sadly. "I thought I could."

"You thought," Deidara says. "So keep thinking."

"Tease," says Tobi. "I thought senpai wanted to show me."

"Hm," Deidara hums, activating his bomb. The two of them watch as Sasuke is engulfed by a violent puff of dark smoke. When it dissipates, they both sigh in disappointment as Sasuke reemerges in his Cursed Seal state.

"You don't learn anything from just being shown, Tobi, hm," Deidara says as he prepares to make another round of spiders.

"Hm? Are you saying that you want to do it, hands-on, with me?"

Deidara shrugs. "I guess you'll never find out, yeah," says Deidara. He tosses the two handfuls of spiders at Sasuke and the kid — annoyingly present — counters most of it with his Chidori. Some lands around Tobi.

"Oh, dear," Tobi says. "It seems as though I'm surrounded by your bombs, senpai."

"Wouldn't you like that?" Deidara mumbles, glancing at him. "Front row seat of my explosive display, hm!" he continues, a little louder this time.

"Not the front row seat that I imagined," says Tobi.

"Tough luck," Deidara shrugs. "Beggars can't be choosers, yeah."

"Oh, I don't think I'm the beggar here," Tobi replies.

"You don't know anything," Deidara says.

"I know some things," Tobi replies.

"Yeah? Like what, hm?"

"Like you're not paying attention to where Sasuke is."

Deidara turns to his left and is met by Sasuke's furious face. Obito takes a step forward and appears beside him. He grabs Sasuke's wrist.

"No cheating, now," Tobi says. "I think it's unfair that senpai is paying all of his sweet, sweet attention to me and not you, but you shouldn't take advantage of him like that. I'll get very mad, you know. And you won't like me when I'm mad."

"I'd like to see you get mad, Tobi, yeah," Deidara says, a smug grin on his face. "And I wouldn't pay attention to you if you weren't so goddamn distracting, hm."

"Am I distracting?" Tobi asks.

"Very," Deidara says.

"I always thought that senpai was the distracting one, with the loudness and all," Tobi says and then Sasuke swipes his sword against his body. His sword misses.

"Shut up, both of you," Sasuke says.

"Someone's grumpy," Tobi says.

"As grumpy as you when someone takes advantage of me, apparently, hm."

"I said shut up!" Sasuke shouts and he breaks free from Obito's grasp — not that he's holding on too harshly — to face the two Akatsuki members properly. "I will give you one more chance to answer my question or else you will never be able to continue this… Whatever this is.

"Where is Uchiha Itachi?"

Tobi looks over to Deidara.

"Have you seen him around, senpai? I haven't noticed him."

"Me neither, hm," Deidara says. "I'm too busy."

"Too busy staring at your own beauty, I assume," Tobi says.

"Sure," Deidara laughs. "And you, yeah?"

"Just haven't really been paying much attention to everything that goes on around me, you know."

"Should I feel threatened?"

"By yourself? I think that's up to you, senpai."

"If you're not going to be helpful," says Sasuke, "then you're better off dead."

Tobi glances at Deidara. "He's a bit dramatic, don't you think, senpai?"

"As dramatic as you?" Deidara scoffs. "It's a miracle that I've managed to stand you for so long, hm."

"I think there's a good reason for that," Tobi says. "Anyway, senpai, do you want to win this battle? Sasuke seems like it would much rather fight Mr. Itachi soon."

"Tell Itachi that I weakened his stupid little brother for him, yeah," Deidara says, holding up a bundle of clay. "Do your thing, Tobi, hm."

"Hm, which one?"

"T-The helpful one, you idiot," Deidara hisses, tossing the dragon on the ground. In a quick succession of seals, the C2 dragon appears. Deidara hops onto the dragon's back, peering down at Tobi when the dragon spits out a giant pile of clay landmines.

"I think you're very helpful, senpai," Tobi says — more to himself than anything else — and he bends down to take all the clay mines to plant.

He reappears a moment later, climbing out of the earth before Sasuke even notices that he's gone.

"All done, senpai!" he calls out to Deidara, who's already quite a ways up.

"Well done, Tobi," Deidara says. "Come here."

"Oh, so now you want me to come," Tobi says.

"If only you're obedient all the time, hm," Deidara says when Tobi appears behind him. "Maybe we'd be able to share secrets, just like you always asked."

"Some secrets can be made together," Tobi says, leaning forward.

"How badly do you want to know my secrets, then, hm?" Deidara asks in a low voice.

"Oh, very badly," Tobi replies in the same tone.

"Shut the fuck up!" Sasuke says.

"The kiddo's surrounded," says Tobi.

"What a good boy, you are," Deidara chuckles. He turns and Tobi can see his arm move but Deidara stops himself halfway. Obito wonders what he could have wanted to do.

"Would senpai like to know how good I can get?" Tobi asks as Sasuke attempts to reach the two of them with his lightning. It doesn't work and Deidara scoffs at Sasuke.

"I learn quicker on the job, hm," Deidara says before he unleashes yet another round of explosives on Sasuke. He watches as the young Uchiha shields himself from the majority of the bombs with his wing, causing its loss. Tobi notices that Sasuke has tossed his sword right in the center of a mine.

"Maybe you should learn that Sasuke's winning," Tobi marvels. "He has an elemental advantage over you."

Deidara narrows his eyes, peering down at Sasuke's form. He's weakened from the lost wing but he's replacing it with snakes. Disgusting.

"Maybe you should learn," Deidara says, making his dragon spit out another round of bombs, "that my art is better than a little sparkle, hm."

"Oh, senpai," Tobi shakes his head. He finally decides to reach out to stroke Deidara's hair, pretending to be able to feel the stands between his fingers. "The only thing that's sparkling here is your eyes."

"What?" Deidara says, whipping his head around to face Tobi. He doesn't even question where Tobi's hand is.

"I'm just saying," Tobi stutters and then he shrugs. "Maybe we should end this battle now, senpai. I'm tired and hungry."

"We're not having dango again," Deidara says, crossing his arms. "I'm sick of it, hm."

"We can have something else," Tobi whispers.

Sasuke leaps up at them, lightning chattering in his hands and threatening to cut Deidara's dragon in half.

"Time's up, senpai," Tobi says and then grabs Deidara's shoulder, careful of his arm, to aid him on the way down. They stay away from Sasuke, knowing that he's more of a close-range fighter. "Are you sure you don't want to end this battle now? Mr. Itachi would still have to fight him, you know. They're destined to."

"Destiny?" Deidara scoffs, leaning into Tobi's hold. "I don't believe in that, hm."

"Maybe I can show you," Tobi says.

"You owe me a lot of things to show, it seems, yeah?" Deidara says.

"Shut up, please," Sasuke says and Tobi looks up at him. He looks like someone just punched him in the gut and then told him that his parents have sex on the regular.

"Mind your own goddamn business, kid," Deidara shouts. "Be grateful that I didn't kill you, hm."

"I think I'd much rather die at this point," Sasuke sighs.

"What was that?" Tobi asks.

"I'm tired!" Sasuke shouts back. "I'm going."

"What!" Deidara shouts, halfheartedly shrugging his shoulder in an attempt to loosen Tobi's grip — it doesn't work — and faces Sasuke directly. "You can't leave just like that, yeah. I still have to take you down."

"I think you'd much rather take something else down!" Sasuke shouts back, already turning to walk away, carefully maneuvering his way between the mines.

"Is it true, senpai? Do you want to go down?"

"Oh, shut up," Deidara snarls and then he tosses another bomb at Sasuke, who skillfully dodges it. "Damn it, my arms hurt, hm."

"Are you sure it's because your arms hurt, or is it because your aim just sucks?"

"Do you want to die from suffocation, Tobi, hm?"

"A child is present, senpai!"

"Oh my god!" Sasuke shouts and then a flurry of weapons come hurtling at them. Tobi takes a step to the right and drags Deidara with him. Most of the weapons bury themselves into the dirt or whiz past the two of them, embedding deep into the bark of the trees behind them.

Tobi clicks his tongue. "How rude," he says. "I thought you said you were tired."

"Tired of hearing what you have to say!"

"Then don't listen, hm!" Deidara says.

"Senpai!" Tobi gasps. "I didn't know you cared so much."

"I've had enough of this. This is stupid. I'll find Itachi on my own," Sasuke mumbles and continues to do so as he walks away, body flickering away into thin air.

"It seems like we scared him away, senpai," says Tobi.

"I count this as a victory, hm," says Deidara.

"Do you want that fireworks show now?"

"Make it last longer than two minutes, Tobi, yeah."

Tobi chuckles.

"Sure, senpai. Sure."

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Hey guys, Red here!

This is beta'd by AO3 user Dani_ATN.

Anonymous said:  
Hey if the double prompt thing is still going could you do mutual pining with flirting under fire (69). I think that would be funny with their dynamic.

And then they "watched" a "fireworks" show.

It is at times like these that I realize I don't know what mutual pining is and also I can't write combat. I hope you enjoyed this anyway. If you don't get why this is rated mature, it is due to its suggestive themes.

This is dedicated to the anon that sent me this prompt. Thanks so much, anon, I hope you enjoyed reading this.

Hit me up on Tumblr (redskiez dot net) if you have a request. I'm always accepting prompts. This particular prompt is taken from the Fanfiction Trope Mash-Up List. Feel free to send me an ask with two tropes of your choosing and I'll write a fic(let) of TobiDei for you!

If you enjoyed this (or didn't), please leave a review telling me why and which parts!


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